Endangered Animals

Back in 1973, President Richard Nixon signed into law the Endangered Species Act (ESA) which created an Endangered Species List as well as guidelines for government agencies when dealing with habitats containing such animals.

Everyone knows Nixon loved lists whether they be made up of endangered species or political enemies. Prone to poor judgement, Nixon once mixed up his lists. Paul Newman was incarcerated in the San Diego Zoo as a possible mate for Ling Ling, while an American alligator named Toothy had his credit history sullied.

Everyone also knows that Nixon and his administration were sticklers for governmental guidelines. For instance, before E. Howard Hunt broke into the Watergate Hotel, he was told to punch out at five o clock like everyone else and then only afterwards was he able to file his paperwork with accounting requesting overtime.

So why in the world would the Bush administration tamper with Nixon's legacy? (And this is what everyone remembers Nixon for, his love of animals). Why would they consider changing the laws in place?

First reason, "Mission Accomplished." 99 percent of the list is still in existence. You couldn't throw a grizzly bear without hitting a grey wolf. Both of which would probably eat you if you tried. And that's my point. This is the thanks we get! After all those years of foregoing juicy Ozark big-eared bat steaks and Alabama beach mouse over mitts? Let's show them who's boss and thin the heard (do they come in herds?)

Another reason for the changes, two words: Chatty Cathys. Talk, talk talk, that's all these agencies ever want to do. Plan, think, devise: all words that get in the way of a microwavable, wireless, downloadable society. I mean how long do I have to wait for this bridge to be built, I have a pedicure at two. This isn't rocket science! Though many of the same principals are involved.

And I think everyone is a little sick and tired of the US Fish and Wildlife Service acting like big shots. Who are they anyway, my mom, or scientists or experts? What are you going to do about it anyway? Bait a hook for me! Ha Ha. Hey! Look at this shiny worm floating on the water. Oww!!

So Nixon's Endangered Species List is endangered because basically the animals are fine. They'll adapt. They're Americans after all. I just hope they don't figure out how to lobby.

Poor Nixon, another of his accomplishments forgotten. And to think some of his vaunted endangered species are also included on the Red List of Threatened Species put out by the International Union for Conservation of Nature. In his own camp, Reds? He's probably rolling in his grave.