It's in his Genes to Get in her Jeans

A study done on Swedish men discovered what researchers refer to as a monogamy gene. It is closely related to the boring gene, the nerd gene and the "Got no game" gene.

According to the study, if a man had double the normal allotment for allele 334, then he was less likely to be married (think George Clooney) and if he were married, then look out! It's John Edwards Syndrome. Symptoms include massive insensitivity, delusions of grandeur, obsessive hair maintenance and indiscriminate staff schtuping.

Should women married to these men be worried? People who believe in free will say no. Determinists say, "You married him, stupid."

But many simply believe that those men are not destined to cheat, but rather have a more difficult time staying monogamous. I find having a face like a meteor and a job that requires a paper hat helps with monogamy. Not unrelated, one can insure celibacy by asking for the woman to pick up the tab on a date (particularly with the stipulation that you are a big tipper) and not only living with your parents but sleeping in their bed.

What should a woman do if her husband is one of these men? Here are some simple suggestions. Remove suggestive materials: DVDs, computer programs, men's magazines, books, catalogs, windows that look out on the world. You know what, blind your husband. Just gouge his eyes out.

Also stay away from places like nudist colonies, beaches and pools. Also steer clear of clubs, bars, restaurants, church, his job and your job, meet the teacher night, the hospital, parks, inside, outside anywhere women are known to exist. Perhaps relocation is the answer. Think parts of Alaska or Mars.

But a final word to the women at this trying time --Told you so. It's all natural baby. That time you caught your man in the back of his car with his secretary--Science. Or the time in the back of his office with his accountant -- Science. Or that time on your birthday in you r bed with your sister and your mother -- It was simply science in action.

Next time whip out a pencil and pad and take notes. You might learn something. But you stay faithful, of course, because otherwise would be unnatural -- until science proves otherwise. But I think science has done enough for today and on this subject. So give it a rest science. And girlfriends -- keep your eye out for that wandering eye.